Why Parallel Parenting?

Parallel parenting is built for situations where traditional “let’s work together” co-parenting is not realistic or safe, especially in the presence of high-conflict or narcissistic behavior. Instead of constant negotiation, this model relies on:

• Clear boundaries
• Low direct contact
• Predictable routines
• Written documentation
• Reduced emotional pressure
• Safety for you and your children

The template below is written in plain language so you can better understand the structure before turning it into a formal parenting plan with legal support.

Communication Firewall

Goal: Eliminate chaotic messaging, lower anxiety, and create a clean, searchable record of all communication.

Approved apps only: All communication about the children takes place exclusively inside a court-friendly parenting app such as:

• OurFamilyWizard
• AppClose
• TalkingParents

Texts, emails, social media messages, or surprise phone calls are not permitted except in a true emergency.

Emergency exception: Phone calls or text messages are allowed only when:

• A child needs urgent medical care, or
• An exchange is delayed by more than 30 minutes and you need to coordinate timing.

24-hour response rule: For non-emergency messages, each parent has up to 24 hours to reply. Instant responses are not expected.

Topic limits: Communication is strictly limited to:

• Logistics and scheduling
• Health and medical updates
• School and education matters

No personal attacks, lifestyle commentary, or interrogations about the other parent’s private life.

“No-Contact” Custody Exchanges

Goal: Reduce face-to-face conflict and eliminate “he said / she said” moments during drop-offs and pick-ups.

Neutral, monitored locations: Exchanges happen at a pre-approved location such as:

• The child’s school
• A police station lobby
• A public parking lot with cameras

Curbside protocol: The receiving parent stays inside their vehicle. The child walks from one car to the other. Parents do not exit their vehicles and do not speak to one another during the exchange.

15-minute grace period: If the pick-up parent is more than 15 minutes late without notice in the app, the on-time parent may:

• Proceed with their day and treat that visit as forfeited, or
• Offer a new exchange time at their convenience (but is not required to).

Third-party helpers: Either parent may choose a safe, sober third party (such as a grandparent or trusted caregiver) to handle the exchange when needed. This helps reduce unnecessary direct contact.

“Zero-Negotiation” Scheduling Rules

Goal: Remove opportunities for manipulation, guilt-tripping, and last-minute schedule chaos.

Follow the court order: The official court-ordered schedule is followed as written. Verbal side agreements are not assumed, recorded, or enforced.

Written changes only: Any modification to the schedule must be agreed to in writing inside the parenting app at least 7 days in advance.

No automatic “banked time”: Missed parenting time due to illness, work, or personal choice does not automatically create make-up time unless both parents formally agree in writing.

Right of First Refusal (ROFR) High-conflict caution

Traditional ROFR can be misused in high-conflict cases to monitor, control, or harass the other parent. Instead, a safer clause could say:

“Each parent may choose their own childcare providers during their parenting time without any Right of First Refusal obligation, as long as the caregiver is a responsible adult.”

Health, Clothing & Belongings

Goal: Stop arguments over coats, backpacks, and who “lost” what, and make each home fully functional for the children.

Duplicate essentials: Each household keeps its own set of clothing, shoes, toiletries, and basic school supplies so the child is not dependent on items constantly moving back and forth.

Clothing worn to an exchange should be returned (clean) at the next exchange whenever possible.

Routine medical care: Each parent is responsible for everyday medical care (check-ups, sick visits) during their own parenting time, following any court- ordered or agreed health guidelines.

Tie-breaker for major decisions: If parents cannot agree on bigger issues such as surgery, braces, or school choice, a neutral professional (for example, the child’s primary physician, an educational consultant, or a Parenting Coordinator) may be appointed to have tie-breaking authority.

This can prevent a controlling parent from blocking important decisions just by saying “no” to everything.

Children’s Communication Rights

Goal: Protect a child’s ability to connect with each parent without pressure, interrogation, or surveillance.

Daily contact window: Children may call or video chat with the other parent once per day during an agreed-upon time window (for example, 7:00–7:30 p.m.), unless the child is asleep or busy with an activity.

Privacy rule: These calls should be unmonitored and unrecorded. The child is allowed reasonable privacy to speak with the other parent without someone listening in or commenting in the background.

Child choice respected: The child is not forced to make or receive a call if they are clearly unwilling in that moment. The key is that the opportunity for contact is offered in a consistent, calm way.